Lead by following the rules

Having attended afew book launches the last few weeks, its left me in a slide of  re-evaluating the islamic literary scene. Its a time where the word is become digitized, but South Africa has not yet broken the barrier into islamic literature. The publications are few and far between. Perhaps i’m critical in a sense where I see women with ideas turning out pieces of work seated in the islamic perspective, when they (in my opinion) don’t hold the image of the ideal muslimah. There is the lack of hijab, or the lack of realisation of what is appropriate in the islamic dressing. If you do not dress the part, how can you expect to get the respect or reverence you deserve in sending out to the world an islamic guidebook? Some people will ask, why does the topic of dressing emerge when essentially i’m just talking about islamic literature. Assume you’re attending a court case and the judge shows up in dressed in an evening dress, or dressed up like a doctor, how will that affect your perception in court. Would you take her seriously? Clearly it would be inappropriate! Similarly Allah SWT had give you a dresscode, and you are showing up not abiding to it.
Is it not hypocritical to want to help a person to obey gods laws and be conscious of god, when you yourself aren’t doing it? When one considers the obligatory things like covering oneself, consuming halaal food, not gambling, in addition to the 5 pillars – I have to ask ‘Am i bias? Am i critical?’  Or have we turned into a nation who wants to lead without following? We’re not saying that people are any less muslim, but if they want to lead … they need to lead by example. Hold up the image of a Muslimah, before expecting others to follow in your footsteps.

It is said that one should find the middle path so as not to be too extreme and not to be too liberal. In an age where covering oneself has become frowned upon, where does Islam find a middlepath? Do we compromise? Many people a willing to die for their religion, but few are willing to live by it and uphold its laws.

loyalty

icanbuyhappiness …i can’t buy loyalty

Some things never survive…

Some things are alot like us

Happy Birthday baby…
Love you… xx

In loving memory of Zaakirah,
For all that you could have been

I left my brain in my old life

LOL! that’s exactly how i feel today, i left my brain in my old life, its been one of those weeks of sleep lack, followed by a blurr of fasting praying and life and cooking and shopping and more….  lack of sleep. I have lots of fun projects keeping me busy, and at the same time the giant aha moment when you come up with an awesome plan. Hoping this comes together with much ease.

I’ve recently volunteered my expertise to an international organisation as my good deed for the year, however, i am the least articulate person when it comes to islamic pleasantaries. GAH! it’s so difficult, i finally learn the 5 most popular ‘barakallahu feek / barakallahu feeki / Barakallahu feekum / Khair insha-allah / Ma’assalaamah’, was ready to pat myself on the back for being able to articulate an email and fill in just the right amount of pleasantaries. NO CAN DO…!!! someone added a barrage of more to the list, and my brain is swimming in arabic snippets that are making me feel like a dizzy duck!

While i’m enjoying the post iftaar slump, and sinuse congestion that makes me feel like jellyfish swimming about in my head… fighting off the sleep, just incase my new social interaction interests pop up online… where i’m likely to drop everything to chat to these 3 ppl. Joy! I think my brain needs a wake up call, maybe its just me or that i feel dead in ramadaan. i can’t remember the last time i felt so girlish. hehehe…

Getting over my phone phobia that’s been hanging over me for the last 1.5 yrs. I’m inarticulate, to say the least… So working up the nerve to make a big phone call soon – O_o When’s the last time u sounded like a teenager all over again. Nostalgia

i miss the joys of personal blogging, with the keys sticking to your fingers textifying all your thoughts… like the freedom of driving on an open road.  okay, i need to sleep now , or i’ll die. nite… Ma’asalaamah!

Life makes us a little callous

Life makes us a little callous as we move on in years, like the clich’e says: wisdom comes with age.

“knowledge precedes action”, and even those who have knowledge choose not to implement their own preachings into their lives. Sometimes even life feels like a bunch of cliche’s living on a time limit and soon to run out of fuel. Life life life… we keep setting standards and expectations that are sometimes laced with anxiety. Tomorrow never comes…

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The inside of a Black hole

Those who know me, know i’ve been stuck on the inside of a very black hole.
The thing about a black hole is that there are only so many words one can use to describe it before losing the map.
A big thank you to the people who’ve sent me the metaphoric fireflies to help me light the way. It’s been a long way out, and i’m not there yet… so a big toast to tomorrow.

Dear Tomorrow, you can’t get here fast enough.

It’s 30 sleeps more…  and i’m hoping tomorrow won’t walk out on me.

Personal Niqaab Wars

I compromised – last week. The afternoon dictated an evening of toddler-sitting.  I shed the niqaab, we were off to the park, with lots of running around. i wore normal clothes. Jeans, long dress, long sleeves and a scarf. i was afraid my nephew would not recognize me with it on, and looking after someone else’s child is a HUGE responsibility. Its the first time in 7 months that i wore normal clothes out the house. It wasn’t as big an adjustment as i would expect, but i’ve noticed the differences.

I’ve become completely oblivious to people looking at my face. My own dressing is no longer an element of judgement or something i cling to for approval.

Attending yet another media event (notice how my career impacts on my personal identity?) , its recurring  – As seen in my last post. The question of do i represent myself, or do i go there as an anonymous muslim female. Its important right now, for me, to represent myself in the media circles, or when it comes to meeting clients, or interacting with people on a level that is career focussed. NOT everyone agrees with my outlook, and i’m struggling with it on so many levels. Yes, i’ve been wearing the veil for 7 months, but i’m in a space where i want to go back to the corporate world. I want to get back into that space where my talent is not festering as afew words on the CV. Where’s the balance between the two? Do i shed it off completely? or do i compromise?

The persons outside my situation may disagree with me. As i’ve mentioned already, i’ve been faced with much resistance and challenge from others. So i’ve decided… I dont want to part with my niqaab. Really, its something i find myself holding on to with much possessiveness.  I’ve decided that i’ll compromise with it for work purposes, but i’ll stick to it for everything else? I find myself unable to shut out all the elements of the type of life i used to lead. Essentially, i dont want to lost myself to a warp where i need to create excuses to fit in. Part of me loves the freedom and safety i have with the niqaab, and the other part of me knows that if i stop wearing it, i’ll never get back here.

In the grand scheme of things, i’ve always said : when i die i want to be able to tell god that i did not waste anything he gave me. But the questions … to myself… that i’m faced with is, how is my talent , my outlook, and my convictions being of benefit on the way forward. I could make excuses to escape the western view of veiled women being oppressed, but instead i find myself wanting to showcase the islamic identity as something to aspire to.

So many thoughts…

Niqaab Files: My encounters with Niqaab Prejudice

Orignally blogged on Muslimah(Life)Style

When I made the choice to wear the niqaab, it was something that just happened. There was no long drawn out thought process behind it, it just felt right for me. Even on days when it has been challenging, i havent’ been able to bring myself to part with it. My sister who’s studying in Germany would call, sharing her islamaphobic and anti-niqaab encounters in Germany. I couldn’t understand why it was affecting her, neither could I identify with the idea of being at the Butt-end of niqaab prejudice. Needless to say, my day (or days) arrived.

About a month ago I found myself covering an event at the local University, I was rather two minded as to whether or not to wear my niqaab. The thoughts were a mix of worry as to how foreigners would react to the niqaab, and of course i needed to express my own identity, that of Hasina Suliman, and not the collective identity of muslim women (as the niqaab portrays). I decided to go open faced because i was compromising to fit into the media scene. The scene that used to be my life, filled with events and photography, books, writers, and other elements of the like.

The first day i entered with my niqaab over my face. I encountered a very large swedish man, who was visibly terrified of me. I asked him if ticket sales were open.

As the week proceeded i encountered the extended family of a friend. Girl who doesn’t fit the look of islamic dress or hijab or conservative dressing, asks about my niqaab. Diplomatically yet unsuccessfully, I try to brush aside the topic. Dang!!! Didn’t work. Person proceeds to tell me how she thinks it is stupid. I grin like an idiot to camouflage my hurt feelings, thinking ‘but you don’t even fit the fardh, and you’re picking on me’, my thought remains unverbalised. Politely i say: Each to their own outlook and excuse myself. It felt like a slap in the face, coz its difficult to digest how someone will be pleasant with you in a social setting, yet stab at your values the minute the opportunity arises.

I go home that evening rehearsing responses for the next person who picks on my veil. I thought i was well prepared. Unfortunately the week draws into an onslaught of prejudice

Needless to say, the next encounter followed close by with a burkah excerpt from Azad Essa’s book ‘Zuma’s Bastard’, initially making me feel like someone had slipped hot coals under my collar. I sit still, reminding myself that people have the right to their opinions, and yes even i would think twice about walking up to a niqaabi and striking up a conversation. My cheeks flush, i feel a little faint. If I walk out of the theatre, it would be a spectacle. The excerpt ends on an amicable note, but that’s not what sticks to the audiences mind. The islamic identity of being a niqaabi feels like a theatre joke.

The next day follows in suit, as if the winds of antagonism are on my back. I’m stopped by an acquaintance-friend-journalist who requests i lower my veil. I comply, not thinking that the encounter will escalate into a point of reference for my own religious belief. Up until that point there was no need to verbalise that i was covering the event as part of work and i needed to represent my own identity to the media. Anyway… i managed to slip away, locating the ladiesroom – i feel flushed, teary eyed and even with the veil i’ve never felt that bare.

I close myself off behind the wall of blank looks, counting down to calmness, and learning how to verbalise: ‘i DON’T want to discuss my religious values with you, thanks for understanding’ .

For weeks later, I watch people who don’t understand the niqaab and feel that their opinions are the only ones that matter. I’m learning indifference, but the reality is… i’m not really indifferent. Having someone pick on the veiled identity still feels like a slap in the face everytime i encounter resistance. Now we’re watching the news with updates on the Burkah and Veil ban in France, it makes the reality of niqab prejudices more intolerable.

Blank Look

i’m learning the art of being blank, blank look, blank response, blank reaction.

Some people have the knack of being uber cool on the exterior, i’m not one of those people. My expressions, my eyes, my voice all have some change in them that betrays me.