Free Writing Challenge: Ifs and Ands and What ifs

Free Writing Challenge from Parasputins blog, but i didn’t choose a topic

i had 20 mins to bedtime this was orignally blogged HERE watching the curser blink on my other blog that houses my messy scribblings, and abstract thoughts, so i took up the Challenge, welll… kinda. I love the way the keys tickle my fingerprints andthere’s just an array of text appearing almost from invisible ink.  Anyways, here’s what was in my head… sometime the thoughts just need escapism. and i dont think that infantismal is actually a word

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Sometimes you’re my muse, and other times you’re my nemesis.

You make feel like I’ve used up every colour on the palette of life,
yet you inspire me to find more… as though i can mix up rainbows with sunlight, and some stardust for shimmer
like i can sip melted daydreams in a cup of hope,
and you tear down the the hope till it dehydrates and contracts under your scrutiny,
and you walk along the edges of my thoughts and peek into my dreams, leaving me wondering so often…
what did i think of before you.
And even that, takes me back to the first meeting,
the fleeting glimpse of you , in your suit, oozing magneticism and charm,
and my soul confessed, that’s the person I’m going to marry.
And we struggle and fight, and cry and hurt,
and crumble and stumble in the world with so many if’s and and’s and buts and what ifs..
and what if tomorrow came
and we were driving off into our new life together
and you turned to look back on the people we’re leaving,
and you ask me “did we really just do that?”
and my smiles always punctuate the silence,
and sometimes my tears dribble on the walls of this shield between us and reality ,
burning a hole into them,
infantismal attempt to redeem what i once believed
was reality dropping its guard and letting me peek into the future as if the doors were left wide open.
Its a funny way in which you find humor in my seriousness and ordinaryness,
and you cease to believe that the things i do are enough,
the constant pushing at the boundaries of my talent,
tickling new spots to discover sensations,
and ideas, and sparks of brilliance that seem to surprise myself.
And you never cease to be amazed at the big stuff,
its just the quirky everyday me that makes you laugh,
because you didn’t think to look at life upside down… and take in my view.
Again life serves up a platter of sanity, that you toss out,
only to try to reassemble puzzles that you’ve messed up yourself,
and i wonder… how many times must i stand on the edges of your whims,
reminding you that i’ll be here when you wake up.
And for the final time, you will awaken,
and i’ll be asleep like ‘Rip van Winkel’ under a tree
bare from leaves unscripted with fallen promises,

You Promised me tomorrow,
but you didn’t get passed yesterday.

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